Yeah...i've already tendered my resignation...and my last day is on the 11th...i have agreed to help out till then...although it will really be tiring on my part...i guess i don't really have a choice huh...
I will most likely be flying off on the 16th...seriously...i don't really feel like seeing anyone before i really leave...i don't want to make it seem that i will be gone for good...it's weird...i don't know why...

Sometimes...when you thought that some things are just beginning to surface...maybe friendships, maybe relationships, maybe work...you'll not hold so much grudge or past feelings that have been affixed to them in the past...somehow...the same situation will really look different after this point of time in my life...

I don't hate the people who caused so much shit in my life anymore, i don't bother about all the troubles that i have been having in the past, i don't regard any future problems undermining my future...i somehow...see things in a much clearer light...

Maybe its really called "letting go"....forgiving yourself of all the past hurt, torture, remorse and failures that you keep blaming yourself and refuse to let go...and soon it clings onto your very little empty space...and manifests into a parasite...that never fails to leech out all the love, hope and anticipation that you once had.

It's been a while....and i should learn to forgive myself...after all the things that have happened. I can well only blame myself, but i shouldn't sulk on it for so long...apparantly...i've been dragging this guilt for 3-4 years... and even though i kept thinking that i have moved it...i think subconsciously i am still harbouring this guilt in me...

It's not that i can't forgive myself...its that i can't bring myself to forgive myself. It's like its already done, the damage is there. Whether i try to salvage or not, it's a permanent scar. I am deeply troubled by it, but yet i have to move on and deal with it. If not i can't get on in life, i will find life tiresome and i will not be able to keep on going.

I haven't been able to come up with a good reason how i should forgive myself and move on. Even though sometimes i did try to make it up to myself, it's just sometimes not working. I wonder if i can forgive myself someday for this...i really hope...

Labels: random rants